Sunday, 3 March 2013

Fear of wasting time

 

     I find it somewhat confusing to take on my fears because they seem so tangled together like it’s really just one big fear. It seems like anything that is tangled you just have to go at it and you get better at it as you go along. So where to start?

Fear of wasting time and effort is a waste of time and effort so let’s start with this one little hair in the tangle.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear making an effort and not getting anywhere.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect wasted effort to fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to waste time considering on whether or not to take a certain step to complete a task so I don’t have to do so much work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the idea of extra work with a negative value.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to find a distraction in self interest, when faced with my indecision towards whether or not a part of a task is a waste of time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully realize that going off into my mind and letting it run for me is always a waste of time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in an emotional experience of anxiety/fear while thinking I could be making better use of my time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not make a simple consideration in self honesty on how to move responsibly in the moment just because it’s possible I may be wasting time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I need to be some kind of prioritizing machine that has to be able to see all the possible variables, to calculate whether or not I am being effective, only to get frustrated and give up on myself and move onto some distraction.

When and as I see myself participating in an emotional experience of fear towards wasted effort and not moving responsibly I stop and breathe and be self honest about the fact I am distracting myself, I realize this fear as a self created obstacle that serves to keep me from actually moving responsibly.

I commit myself to stop participation with fear of wasted effort and to move myself for the best results I can manage.

When and as I see myself considering whether or not to take on a certain part of a task so I don’t have to do so much work, I stop and I breathe. I realize that in considering how to avoid doing more work I will continue to sabotage myself from learning and training myself to direct myself responsibly.

I commit myself to stop considering how to avoid doing ‘extra’ work and start turning lack of movement into responsible self direction.

When and as I see myself faced with part of a task that just might be a waste of time I stop and I breathe and direct myself to move responsibly before I wonder off in my mind and onto something else. I realize this is just a diversion tactic to prevent becoming self responsible. I also realize in this that mind in separation of myself is often considering something it would rather be doing which almost always has something to do with music lately.

I commit myself to move self honestly when considering how to go about a task and move myself responsibly in prevention of wandering off and I commit myself to investigate anything I would rather be doing in self interest starting with music and how I define myself with it.

When and as I see myself participating in an emotional experience of fear/anxiety towards the idea I may not be making the absolute best use of my time, I stop and breathe. I realize that this fear/anxiety will hinder me from accumulating self direction in consideration of what is best for all.

I commit myself to stop participating in experience of fear and anxiety toward not making the absolute best choice in a moment and practice/train myself to self direct in consideration of what is best for all.

 





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