Fear of continuing on with uncomfortable feelings and emotions

    In this blog I will be writing self forgiveness and corrective application towards fear of death in relation to fear I will continue on with uncomfortable feelings and emotions. I see myself participating with energetic polarities toward sorting out my feelings and emotions even while considering to write this blog.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of continuing to have uncomfortable feelings and emotions after death.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect continuing to have uncomfortable feelings and emotions after death to fear, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the existence of an afterlife.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear I will not sort myself out as feelings and emotions before I die.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect not figuring out how to stop my feelings and emotions before I die to fear, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect feelings and emotions with a negative value.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a picture of myself floating alone in blackness as just awareness alone with emptiness around me to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in self judgment to allow whether or not I sort out my feelings and emotions to decide my self value.

When and as I see myself participating in fear of continuing on with emotions and feelings I stop and breathe and see that I am here. I realize this fear can only serve to keep me time looping generating feelings and emotions.

I commit myself to continue facing my accepted and allowed feelings and emotions and stop participating in fear they will never stop so that I may take them on one at a time.

When and as I see myself participating in fear of the afterlife I stop and breathe and realize this is fear of the unknown and anything that will be addressed must be done in the here and now.

I commit myself to no longer exist in alternate realities of an afterlife in my mind so that I may move myself responsibly in this physical reality.

When and as I see myself in self judgment on how I handle my feelings and emotions I stop and I breathe. I realized I have charged myself up within polarities of self worth that is dependent on whether or not I sort myself out before death and the energy used through charging these polarities just serve to drain me.

I commit myself to let go of the need/desire to sort myself out so that I can stop charging myself up and wasting energy so that I may move responsibly in simplicity.

 

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Fear of what won't get done.

      The fear I will take on here is the fear of what won’t get done. There seems to be a setting myself up for failure scenario here and has caused a lot of consequences and will continue to do so if not addressed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what I won’t get done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect a projection of what won’t get done to fear its self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being confronted and or scolded for what won’t get done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear consequences of what has not been done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto my past learned fear of consequences towards what has not been done that leads to fear of what won’t get done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge up an emotional experience of fear and allow it to direct me in creating the consequences of inaction that I fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in an emotional experience of fear when seeing what I’m not doing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue on in my mind and whatever I’m doing when I see I’m not moving responsibly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in an emotional experience of fear while looking at several things that I have not taken responsibility for.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let things pile up in the first place that leads to the participation of fear and anxiety.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be self honest and not fully realize all the reasons for abdicating my responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to indulge in my own self interested experience that leads to fear of what won’t get done in the first place.

When and as I see myself participating in fear projecting what won’t get done I stop and I breathe. I realize participating in such fear is just a diversion tactic to keep myself from moving responsibly.

I commit myself to stop the projections and fear of what won’t get done and consider how to move responsibly in the moment and move.

When and as I see myself participating in fear of consequences of won’t or has not yet been done I stop and breathe and bring myself back here in and as the physical. I realize this fear is just a learned attempt to get people to back off from lashing out at me that can lead to both neglect and abusive action.

I commit myself to stop participation with fear of consequences and look practically and self honestly at how I create the consequences in the first place.

When and as is see myself getting lost in my own mind ignoring self responsible action; I stop what I’m doing, breathe and check to make sure nothing is moving inside me and consider what is best for all. I realize this kind of abdication as an addiction to my own self interested experience and if I don’t responsibly stop I will remain a slave to that self interest and of the mind.

I commit myself to break myself of the addiction to abdicating responsibility to the mind and my own self interested experience and also I commit myself to further investigation of why and how I abdicate responsibility for the sake of my own experience, apply self forgiveness and walk the correction.

When and as I see myself looking at multiple tasks I stop and I breathe and consider what I can do in the moment. I realize looking at multiple tasks at once can seem like too much and in looking at tasks all at once in my mind is useless.

I commit myself to move self responsibly in real time in the physical and train myself to write out a schedule every day.

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Fear of wasting time

 

     I find it somewhat confusing to take on my fears because they seem so tangled together like it’s really just one big fear. It seems like anything that is tangled you just have to go at it and you get better at it as you go along. So where to start?

Fear of wasting time and effort is a waste of time and effort so let’s start with this one little hair in the tangle.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear making an effort and not getting anywhere.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect wasted effort to fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to waste time considering on whether or not to take a certain step to complete a task so I don’t have to do so much work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the idea of extra work with a negative value.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to find a distraction in self interest, when faced with my indecision towards whether or not a part of a task is a waste of time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully realize that going off into my mind and letting it run for me is always a waste of time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in an emotional experience of anxiety/fear while thinking I could be making better use of my time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not make a simple consideration in self honesty on how to move responsibly in the moment just because it’s possible I may be wasting time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I need to be some kind of prioritizing machine that has to be able to see all the possible variables, to calculate whether or not I am being effective, only to get frustrated and give up on myself and move onto some distraction.

When and as I see myself participating in an emotional experience of fear towards wasted effort and not moving responsibly I stop and breathe and be self honest about the fact I am distracting myself, I realize this fear as a self created obstacle that serves to keep me from actually moving responsibly.

I commit myself to stop participation with fear of wasted effort and to move myself for the best results I can manage.

When and as I see myself considering whether or not to take on a certain part of a task so I don’t have to do so much work, I stop and I breathe. I realize that in considering how to avoid doing more work I will continue to sabotage myself from learning and training myself to direct myself responsibly.

I commit myself to stop considering how to avoid doing ‘extra’ work and start turning lack of movement into responsible self direction.

When and as I see myself faced with part of a task that just might be a waste of time I stop and I breathe and direct myself to move responsibly before I wonder off in my mind and onto something else. I realize this is just a diversion tactic to prevent becoming self responsible. I also realize in this that mind in separation of myself is often considering something it would rather be doing which almost always has something to do with music lately.

I commit myself to move self honestly when considering how to go about a task and move myself responsibly in prevention of wandering off and I commit myself to investigate anything I would rather be doing in self interest starting with music and how I define myself with it.

When and as I see myself participating in an emotional experience of fear/anxiety towards the idea I may not be making the absolute best use of my time, I stop and breathe. I realize that this fear/anxiety will hinder me from accumulating self direction in consideration of what is best for all.

I commit myself to stop participating in experience of fear and anxiety toward not making the absolute best choice in a moment and practice/train myself to self direct in consideration of what is best for all.

 

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Desteni assignment 4-2

   I woke up this morning with my son asking me to make breakfast, thought it was a good idea so started cooking. In the middle of cooking my kids both decided they wanted to crack some eggs. I didn’t like to be distracted while cooking so I got frustrated with them. While getting frustrated I did a little too much for them when I could have talked them through what they needed to do. Also I remember getting frustrated thinking “there is not enough room here” as I found it a little difficult to move around and organize what I was using while cooking.

     After serving breakfast I was getting a little frustrated as my son wasn’t sitting down to eat and the both of them were only really picking at the food after a while it became apparent food would have to be thrown out I thought “what a waste of time”.

     So later on my son is playing on the computer and my daughter starts bugging him and she is grounded from the computer, his scream causes an immediate reaction in me as I cringe, I get angry and remind my daughter she is grounded from the computer and tell her to stop bugging him.

     My son asks me to put a movie on for him and it’s a movie he’s been watching the last two days, so I go into a reaction of dread rolling my eyes. My son has been sick the last couple days which has us stuck in the house and I have been charging up frustration with them all day.

     Most of the rest of the day I spent finding myself things to keep me busy, I got a little frustrated a few more times as my son screams if his sister gets in his face while he is into something his scream just sends a shock through me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect a request from my children while cooking to an emotional experience of frustration.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself a desire to have things go according to my plan and try to manipulate the situation through reacting in frustration.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become frustrated through judging a request from my children as a distraction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect being in confined space to an emotional experience of frustration.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think “there is not enough room here”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect having limited space to move and organize to the thought “there is not enough room here”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself having limited room to move and organize to exist as a trigger point within me, which triggers the thought “there is not enough room here”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect wasting food to an emotional experience of frustration.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect my kids not eating their breakfast to the thought “what a waste of time”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself watching my kids not eat their breakfast as a trigger point within me, which triggers the thought “what a waste of time”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect my son screaming to an emotional experience of anger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect my daughter not following my rules to an emotional experience of anger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within an emotional experience of anger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect my son asking to watch a movie we’ve seen repeatedly to an emotional experience of dread.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the physical reaction of rolling my eyes towards my sons request to watch a movie and judging him for the request.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge up an emotional experience of frustration towards my children throughout my day.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect my son screaming to an experience of shock that feels like it shakes and vibrates within me.

When and as I see myself go into an emotional experience of frustration when having my children show me I’m distracted in my mind I stop and breathe. I realize it is me that accepts and allows myself to be distracted in the mind and become frustrated and I must take self responsibility to bring myself back ‘here’ in physical.

I commit myself to stop participation within emotional experience of frustration while my kids request something during a task and further investigate the nature of the reaction that came up and apply self forgiveness when able, so as to not miss an opportunity to support my kids.

When and as I see myself become frustrated by lack of space I stop the reaction and back chat and breathe myself back to the physical. I realize these reactions can bring consequence of lack of self movement.

I commit myself to stop participating within the back chat and frustration when I perceive myself to have limited space so that I may direct myself to be effective.

When and as I see myself notice my kids not eating a meal I slow myself down and be sure to stop any reaction within me breathing here in the physical. I realize the frustration causes friction between my children and myself.

I commit myself to stop participation with frustration and any reaction towards my kids not eating so that I may become a more effective parent.

When and as I hear my son screaming, I stop and breathe and direct the situation while clear of reaction. I realize by having an emotional reaction to my son screaming I may react irresponsibly and will be hindered from directing the situation effectively.

I commit myself to stop participation with frustration and anger towards my son screaming so that I may support him effectively.

When and as I see myself reacting to my daughter not following rules set for her I stop and breathe. I realize allowing myself to go into anger with my daughter will cause friction between us and put unnecessary pressure on her.

I commit myself to stop participation with anger towards my daughter when she is not following the rules so I may direct myself effectively as a parent.

When and as I see myself go into an emotional reaction to my children asking to do something that bores me I stop and breathe. I realize participating in this kind of emotion keeps me from self direction while charging up emotion.

I commit myself to stop participation with emotional dread towards my children so I may direct situations effectively.

When and as I see myself rolling my eyes toward my children I stop and breathe myself back ‘here’ to the physical. I realize I don’t like it when someone rolls their eyes at me and that I am showing that I am passing judgment when I do this.

I commit myself to stop participation with rolling my eyes and passing judgment towards my children so I may parent more responsibly and I commit myself to further investigate why I make such judgment and apply self forgiveness to clear myself from showing and reacting in judgment.

When and as I see myself having charged myself up with frustration towards my children throughout the day I stop and breathe and practice self forgiveness. I realize constantly allowing myself to charge myself with frustration can create consequences of lack of self direction and cause friction in my daily living.

I commit myself to no longer allow myself to leave the charging of frustration unchecked so I may become effective in my daily living.

When and as I see myself reacting to my son scream I stop and breathe and I realize this shock from the scream is just me being distracted from existing within and as a mind.

I commit myself to take note of why I am lost in my mind self honestly when my son’s screams send a ‘shock’ through me.

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desteni Assignment 4-1

     This morning I woke up early feeling good and as I considered what I wanted to do with the time I had before I had to get the kids up. I first considered doing some writing but had some anxiety about getting into something with a time limit. I thought “I don’t have time to get into anything”. Instead of doing something constructive I just avoided the negative emotion and played a game on the computer only to have a slightly lesser anxiety about wasting time that I ignored by distracting myself.

     On this day I woke up with my neck and back in pain from wrestling with the kids a few days earlier and when I went to wake up the kids my son wanted to be carried down the stairs, so I went into fear about more pain, I told him no but went into guilt as he insisted while being a little whiney and quite groggy so I gave in feeling love and guilt.

     The next occasion I remember going into reaction is getting the kids out the door they where staling and taking their time so I got frustrated and started trying to rush them and then was frustrated all the way to school as they took their time playing in the snow all the way there.

     I got the kids to school barely on time, I went into anxiety as the national anthem played, I stood up straight like all the teachers in the hallway while one teacher was telling a child to stand up, everyone ‘must’ stand at attention. National pride is stupid to me so I have anxiety toward not giving in.

     When I get home I wasted more time with anxiety wasting time is quite a pattern for me so there is guilt about that. I did very little that was constructive while waiting to pick the kids back up from school.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect having a time limit to an emotional experience of anxiety.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in an emotional experience of anxiety towards having a time limit.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think “I don’t have time to get into anything”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect having something I will have to do to the thought “I don’t have time to get into anything”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself having something I will have to do as a trigger point within me, which triggers the thought “I don’t have time to get into anything”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect pain to an emotional experience of fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in an emotional experience of fear toward having pain from picking up my son.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect telling my son no to picking him up to an emotional experience of guilt.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in an emotional experience of guilt.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in a feeling of love.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect my kids staling to get out the door to go to school to an emotional experience of frustration/anger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the kids taking their time on the way to school to an emotional experience of frustration.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in an emotional experience of frustration.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect standing for the national anthem to an emotional experience of anxiety.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the words ‘national pride’ with a negative value.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge ‘national pride’ as ‘bad’ / ‘negative’ / ‘wrong’ within my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from ‘national pride’ through judging national pride as ‘bad’ / ‘negative’ / ‘wrong’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect wasting time with an emotional experience of anxiety.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect seeing myself within a pattern of wasting time to an emotional experience.

When and as I see myself try to avoid anxiety towards a time limit by distracting myself I stop and breathe. I realize my participation in finding a distraction inhibits me from moving responsibly and being trust worthy.

I commit myself to move responsibly within the time I have and get done what I can before I have to move onto other tasks.

When and as I see myself participating within the thought “I don’t have time to get into anything”, I stop and breathe and access the truth about whether I have time to accomplish something.

I commit myself move myself responsibly between what I have set as schedule and stop the participation of the thought “I don’t have time to get into anything”.

When and as I see myself go into a reaction of fear towards pain I stop and breathe. I realize my participation with fear of pain often end with me simply suppressing the fear instead of stopping and considering the state of my physical body.

I commit myself to stop participation within fear of pain and practically take into consideration the health of this physical body being sure not to cause harm unnecessarily.

When and as I see myself go into a reaction of guilt or love towards a request from my children I stop and breathe myself here in the physical and move myself practically in consideration of what is best for all. I realize giving into these emotions/feelings is just self interest in having my emotions/feelings reinforced and acknowledged.

I commit myself to stop participating with love and guilt when interacting with my children so I’m not teaching them manipulation and I am acting as a responsible parent.

When and as I see myself go into an emotional state of frustration towards my kids not cooperating to get to school I slow myself down aware of breath and stop. I realize this frustration can only serve to cause unwanted reaction and can continue to be charged up the longer I participate in the frustration.

I commit myself to stop participating with frustration towards my kids not cooperating to get to school so that I may direct the situation responsibly.

When and as I see myself go into anxiety towards hearing the national anthem I stop and breathe. I realize this anxiety as judgment of others as well as self judgment for my conformity and collective stupidity causing separation from the problem of separation.

I commit myself to when I hear the national anthem to stop participation in anxiety/fear and judgments and direct myself instead of being directed by outside influence. In this I also commit myself to stop charging ‘national pride’ with a negative value realizing it as something that is ingrained in the system that will take a lot of word and time to be rid of which I will probably not see in my life time.

When and as I see myself go into an experience of anxiety towards wasting time I stop myself breathe and practically investigate where I justified wasting time. I realize the anxiety as self judgment where I waste time judging myself instead of dealing practically with the fact I’m wasting time.

I commit myself to investigate practically where I abdicate responsibility during my day and take on each point of abdication practically so that I may become a responsible trust worthy being and not waste time charging anxiety.

 

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